I am no different to every other quivering wreck on the face of our cruel planet in my absolute euphoria that 2016, the year of the devil, has finally bloody well ended! You don’t need me to tell you it was the worst (see “The Great Shit Storm of 2016). Throw in a bucket load of terrible dates, a sprinkling of friendship breakdowns and a tsunami of career confusion and you’ll begin to understand why I’ve written this list – 17 things for 2017.

I really do need to get into shape, drink less and stop smoking like a chimney BUT I didn’t want the list to be dull and boring, and just another list of stuff that will fall by the wayside in on January 4th.

Obviously, I don’t want to continue to grow a beer belly at a rate of knots but I like booze, whatcha gonna do huh? Stop drinking? NAH MATE (alright well perhaps I could try it for one month). Maybe, I’ll use my £19.99 gym membership, maybe I won’t. GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK ALREADY!

So, here’s my list of 17 things for 2017.

1.       Go Speed Dating

2.       Take 365 selfies with strangers

3.       Go to Edinburgh Fringe

4.       Read one book a month

5.       Go to a Festival

6.       Write a short story

7.       Run the Royal Parks Half Marathon in under 2 hours

8.       Start a blog

9.       Join a football team

10.   Write and perform a comedy song

11.   Go vegan for a month and tell absolutely EVERY BODY

12.   Do at least three open mics a month

13.   Give up smoking (this is a boring one, I KNOW, but I need to, ok?)

14.   Host a five-course dinner party (be nice you'll get an invite)

15.   Go booze free for an entire month

16.   Do a bungee jump

17.   Audition for something… ANYTHING

Basically it's 12.05pm on 1st January 2017 and I've already ticked off one of my 17 for 2017. How's your hangover?